I don’t know if this will be read. For me, it is a place where I somehow feel closer to my brother. Nearly two years have ticked away since Danny passed. I don’t talk about it. I just sit and try to accept it.
I found some hope this week when I needed it. I could have sworn I heard him. It is not the first time, but it meant more this week. I work in a tough industry with very cynical ideals. I interact with people that are somewhat unaccountable in their work and not driven but excellence. It is foreign to me and it was foreign to Danny.
One of the many traits Danny possessed was the ability to see the potential in people. Not where they were at, but where they could go. He saw this in me and often commented on how talented he thought I was. It was his way. Build me up and keep me positive. Danny and I are polar opposites. Always have been. I’m loud, irreverent and controversial. Danny is none of those things.
This past week I was very frustrated. I knew I could not bear much more of a work situation I am in. I heard Danny nearly audibly, “say something!” At first I ignored it. I heard him again and he said, ” be calm, you’re right”. It was powerful. Not just because it was calm, quiet and said with few words, but because it is how Danny use to soothe me when we would talk. And we talked pretty often. I calmly resolved my work struggles. It was a better weekend. Thanks bro! I don’t know if I will ever be calm and soft spoken…… But I will try to pick those moments.
I think about how he can still be there for me. I really can’t do much for him. I will be with his family soon as Marie gets married to Casey. I hear Casey rides motorcycles. I don’t need to know much more :).
Danny will be with us that day. I hope his family feels him.
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